Is It Easier to be Angry at Unattractive People?
October 29, 2009 
14 Comments
It is difficult to detach ourselves from physical appearance and judge by character. Looks are the first things we see, the first things that we react to, and they, unlike personality or intellect, fully reveal themselves immediately. There’s no wait involved. It’s instant gratification, and it’s easier, more natural even, than having to delve deeper into the character of any one person, be it a stranger or someone near and dear. We cling to the visual side of life to inform the emotional side.
With effort, however, this instinct can be curbed. Friendships can be made, bonds can be forged (and broken) in a way that is not superficial. Familiarity can allow us to close our eyes and envision, not the arbitrary physical features of an individual, but instead that person in her entirety, a blurry visual based more on experiences and memories.
On a day-to-day basis, we can work at seeing people this way. We can make the extra effort and attempt to defy popular culture and all that it says about beauty. But the thing is, this requires self-control, and lots of it. What about when that is just impossible, when emotions run too high to regulate actions; when we lose our tempers? What about when anger trumps every existing ounce of our self-monitoring conscience? It’s here that we revert back to what is natural; we judge by what is directly in front of us, and what is pleasing to the eye becomes pleasing to the mind as well. As shallow as it sounds (and as it is), it’s just far easier to get mad at ugly people.
It’s unfair, yes, but at least in my experience, it’s also very true. Without restraint, as subconscious as that can be, we forget all that we have taught ourselves to see in a person, and instead, view them as we did originally: perfect strangers, classified only by their most obvious attributes, their looks. Only this time, there’s the added aggression and disgust that comes with anger.
Each wrinkle and untraditional crevice, blemish, deformity, or roll of fat, is judged with the severe scrutiny of someone looking to be dissatisfied, searching for a reason to get angrier. When these don’t exist, or are at least well hidden from view, we can relax our fury, and let it accept the fact that there is no place for it to focus. But when there are flaws to be found, when we find a place on which to concentrate that allows our eyes to achieve the same level of revulsion as our minds, anger transforms into rage.
Without self-control, there is nothing to check or balance the perception of physical defects with any aspect of personality; therefore these bodily flaws only perpetuate the anger, letting it grow and inflate. With nothing ugly to attract the eye on a good-looking person, irritation subsides, having no place to fester.
For the “uggos,” left helpless and unlucky, this truth is horribly unjust—but it’s hard to change. Maybe, as an attempt to override instinct (when instinct is the basis of anger), we shouldn’t try to view everyone as visually equal. We should let ourselves think these terrible things, let our eyes stare in disgust at a pimple or unwanted hair; we just shouldn’t act on it. Look, fine, think cruel thoughts fine, but we should, for appearances sake, treat everyone as equals when we lose our temper.
Yell at the ugly people, sure. Just make sure to yell at the pretty people too.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/therogue/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0
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I am laughing and your article is good… (uggos was real creative?)
I think that starting out with the premise that there are unattractive people or ‘uggos’ as you have written undercuts the message and point you are trying to make. Ultimately, peering into ones soul and beyond their physicality does not require determination and will — it requires the dissolution of the ego.
Ironically, the title of this article is a judgment — and a relative one at that. Are there really unattractive people? What does that mean exactly? Is there some sort of unshakable truth that exists that paints a crystal clear image of the ‘perfect’ human being? I don’t think so. Beauty is nothing more than a relative perspective — one that shifts from culture to culture.
When you judge others, you don’t define them — you define yourself as someone who needs to judge.*
If you find yourself needing to judge someone ask yourself these questions: Why do I feel uncomfortable in the presence of people considered to be ‘unattractive’ by western society standards? Why is my ego requiring me to judge that person? You see, it’s not the other person forcing you to judge them — they have no idea how you feel unless you open your mouth. It’s something you feel inside. So again, the question you should ask yourself is — why do I feel this way? Is it possible that my ego is requiring a quick comparison to confirm the physical self’s place on the western society beauty scale? And by doing so — aren’t you judging yourself as well?
So, how to dissolve the ego then? It is not through will-power. The path is much more profound, meaningful and transcendent in the long run.
When we come to understand the interconnectedness of each of us, that we are indeed all one and the same, that we all spring from the same source –we come to understand that in judging others we are really judging ourselves. Love yourself fully and don’t judge yourself — and when you do you will find it harder and harder to judge others. You will find it not a matter of will-power to view each and every human on this plant as the beautiful creation that they are — rather it will come naturally as a result of dissolving the ego.
Transcend the body and connect to spirit. Therein lies the truth — and beauty
Namaste.
Chill
It seems the human inclination to point out the “flaw” in something, and you articulate that beautifully.
This is. A truly excellent piece of journalism, you have a talent. Entertaining, provocative, and most of all, extremely intelligent. Excellent, excellent work
Hey, Sarah. I enjoyed your essay a lot, and I think you are dead-on right. There are about a zillion research studies out there showing the many ways appearances matter in terms of how people get treated. But what’s also interesting is the flip side of it — ugly people’s sometimes intensely painful personal struggles to feel acknowledged and valued. I remember reading a book many years ago by a woman whose early-childhood cancer had left her with a horrifically disfigured face. The autobiography (I think it was called Autobiography of a Face, and I seem to remember the author as Lucy something-or-other. It was a best-seller at the time..) chronicled the author’s striving for a “normal” life journey — her attempts to form friendships, to have sex, to find a job. All that stuff. Might be worth a read, I think.
I stumbled upon this website when searching on the web. This is spectacular. your assertions are fascinating.
This is great
FYI, from Caroline, this is about my dad
Sarcasm…..
I’ve judged people unfairly based on looks. Reflecting, I have to say I generally go into a conversation with a good-looking stranger more upbeat and friendly than a conversation with a less-attractive stranger. It’s a REALLY bad habit, but one I grow out of once I get to know the individual.
The inherent idea of the article is rather intersting–yet I find the manner in which you dealt with it to be rather underwhelming. Why not discuss social attitudes according to the principles of market economics? Discussing society necessitates the discussion of the confines of the free market and regulation.
What is uggos? A typo?
The picture is great BTW.